Are you busy serving others? Do you delight in serving your husband? What if service is more than “doing”? Could true service come from the heart? Mary and Martha learned to savor service through their encounters with their Friend and Teacher, Jesus. Savoring service in our marriage honors God and blesses our husbands.

Below is an adaptation of a teaching in Reflecting God’s Love in Marriage, A Wife‘s Call to Action on “Selfless Serving.”

The Proverbs 31 woman was super busy. Instead of donning a harried and ruffled appearance, she clothed herself with strength and honor. She rejoiced in the future, taught with wisdom, and showed kindness. 

Martha and Mary needed more of the excellent woman in Proverbs 31. 

Perhaps you say, “Oh, I know the story of Martha and Mary.” You studied Mary and Martha this week, and you’ve heard others ask you if you are a Mary or a Martha. 

Do you identify as Mary? Maybe you’re more like Martha? I identify as a combination of the two. How about you?

Busy Service

Could it be that Jesus is teaching both Mary and Martha how to savor serving His way? What if both changed as they grew to know and understand Jesus’ example of walking in this world?

Could service be more than “doing” as we think of it?

Have preparations for a big meal with family or visitors ever overtaken your thinking? Easter is around the corner. Do you have family or friends coming to your house for dinner for Easter? 

I prepare all the food for occasions like these; there’s no sharing of duties. I’ve found myself scurrying around while everyone else is laughing and enjoying each other. Sometimes, I don’t even know what they’re talking about.

I’m missing the entire point of the get-together!

Slowly, I’m learning to adjust what I serve, and I prepare most of it ahead of time, so that I can sit down and enjoy the conversations. But still, it’s a lot of hard work. I enjoy it, though. Do you?

Serving Dutifully

Imagine preparing a big meal in Martha’s time. We have more conveniences than she had. AND it was the duty of the women to make all the preparations and serve the men. The women certainly weren’t to sit at the feet of men.

To understand the situation, we need to know what had occurred before Jesus showed up at the home of Martha and Mary.

Jesus sent the 12 disciples to preach the kingdom of God and heal the sick. Jesus gave them power over the demons in Luke 9. Then Jesus sent 70 other followers out two by two into the cities in Luke 10. Some manuscripts say He sent 72 followers out. They returned with great joy, telling of all that they had experienced. 

Now, in the same chapter, we see Martha welcoming Jesus into her house. 

“Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.” Luke 10:38-39

Can you imagine the stories that everyone had? Wouldn’t you want to hear what they had to say and how Jesus would respond? 

Do you see yourself getting down on the floor at the feet of Jesus captivated by His words? Astonished? Oblivious to what else is going on.

Would you be on the floor captivated by what Jesus was saying? 

Students sat at the feet of tutors as they learned. Their goal was to absorb the words of their teachers. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and heard or received His teaching with her complete attention. 

Serving A Need

There could have been 100 people packed in their home and waiting for a meal. And Jesus was waiting for a meal—the Teacher, their good Friend. 

Would you be gasping, thinking, “How am I going to be a good hostess to all these people? Do I have enough food? Will they like it? This is Jesus, I have to make something special. I better get to work!”

“But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.’” Luke 10:40 

I can see Martha poking her head into the room where Jesus and all the men were, catching a word or two of what Jesus was saying, and then spotting Mary sitting there—at Jesus’ feet, no less! Not even looking Martha’s way!

Do you see Martha racing from one thing to another, trying to ensure that everyone enjoys a delicious meal? Maybe she hoists two buckets to her shoulders and rushes to the well to get more water. 

She’s serving her Lord.

Jesus taught in Matthew 20:27-28 “And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” 

She’s serving, yes. Savoring, no. 

Jesus came to serve, and Martha is all about serving. Why is Mary sitting there?

There’s a crowd to feed! Martha’s the only one gathering the food, lighting the fire, tidying the room where they’ll eat, and making sure everything is done in time.

Notice, Martha doesn’t ask Mary to help her. She grumpily confronts Jesus. What Martha is really asking Jesus is “Don’t You care about me?” 

Have you wondered if God cares about you sometimes? Have you complained to God and told Him to tell your husband to get up and help you?  

“And Jesus answered and said to her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.’” (Luke 10:41)

“Well, yes, Lord! I’m the only one preparing the food for this crowd.”

“But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:42)

I imagine Martha huffing, turning, and retreating to the area where she’s preparing the meal.

Serving By Listening

“Mary has chosen that good part.“

I wonder if Martha mulled that phrase around in her mind as she cooked the meal.

What did the others think about Mary sitting there while Martha made all the preparations?

Could Psalm 27:4 have resonated in Mary’s her mind, “One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple.”

Did Martha and Mary have a conversation about Jesus’ words after everyone left?

Could Mary have been serving Jesus and others as she sat as Jesus’ feet?

Does service always involve busy hands?

Could listening with all our hearts and bodies be service?

Is deeply studying our husbands by listening to their hearts service? 

Listening to our husbands with intense attention. Could that bless them? Would blessing our husbands that way be considered service? After all, it’s equipping us, giving us understanding and a more intimate knowledge of them. 

We’ll be able to bless them better in the future because we listened and studied them.

Last week, we talked about the Shulamite and her Beloved being sealed in love. The entire book of the Song of Songs was devoted to them talking and listening deeply to each other. She was sealed on his heart and arm in love. 

Serving With Faith

Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary was sick, and they sent word to Jesus. Jesus delayed taking His disciples to Bethany where Lazarus lived with his sisters. Jesus showed up four days after Lazarus died. 

People thought that the souls of the dead hung around for three days and then departed if the body didn’t revive. In the eyes of the Israelites, Lazarus was truly dead.

When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she rushed out of the house to meet Him.

“Now Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.’” (John 11:21-22) 

If only Jesus had been with them. Jesus could have been there before Lazarus died. But He waited. And they waited for Jesus.

Have you wondered why God hasn’t answered your prayers in the timing or way you thought He would? 

“If only You had been here.”

Yet, Martha believed God would give Jesus anything He asked of Him. 

“Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ Martha said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” (John 11:23-24)

Martha wasn’t thinking that Jesus was going to raise Lazarus at that time.

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?’” (John 11:25-26)

This is the key to life. This is eternal life, truly knowing God and Jesus. Abiding in Jesus. Becoming one with God and Jesus.

“She said to Him, ‘Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.’” (John 11:27)

Martha professed her faith in Jesus as the Messiah, the Son of God. I wish John had let us listen in on the rest of their conversation. 

Jesus asked about Mary, and Martha went to let her know that Jesus was asking for her.

Was it a contemplative walk? Thinking about her Messiah, the Son of God? Or was it a rushed walk to share Jesus with Mary?

Martha served Jesus and Mary by bringing Mary to Jesus. Perhaps on the way, she savored her conversation with Jesus, but didn’t fully understand it.

Mary rushed to Jesus and fell at His feet. 

“Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:32)

The same statement to Jesus. Martha and Mary must have said this to each other over and over. Grief-stricken. Hopeless. 

“If only You had been here, my brother would not have died.”

These are the only words we hear from Mary in the Bible.

Jesus groaned and asked where they laid Lazarus. When He got to the tomb, Jesus wept.

Serving Like Jesus

“Take away the stone.” Jesus prayed to the Father and then with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth!” 

Out comes Lazarus bound in grave cloths. They unwrapped Lazarus, and many believed. The chief priests and Pharisees began to plot how to kill Jesus and Lazarus.

Martha and Mary had asked Jesus to come and heal Lazarus. They waited for Jesus, but Lazarus died.

Jesus did something even greater than what they requested of Him! He raised Lazarus from the dead! And many people believed in Jesus. 

Mary and Martha wanted a miracle of healing. Jesus gave them a greater miracle—the miracle of life!

How can we apply this Scripture to our marriages? Jesus disappointed Mary and Martha because He didn’t come to Bethany in time to heal Lazarus. Jesus had a better plan for Lazarus, the sisters, and the people—raising Lazarus from the dead, so that others would believe in Him. 

Perhaps we’re disappointed in our husbands, in our marriages. Jesus knows our grief, and He groans and weeps. But He has a plan for our marriages, for our husbands, for us. A much better plan than we have. He can take our hurt and heal it. He can cause new life to spring forth from our marriages.

Jesus savored serving Martha, Mary, and Lazarus in a greater way than they anticipated.

Serving To Honor

Let’s consider this through God’s eyes on our marriages. 

• I pray, “God, my marriage is sick, please heal my marriage.”
• I pray for my husband, but he’s not changing.
• I tell Jesus that I know He can heal my marriage and ask why He hasn’t.
• I tell Jesus that I believe in Him and know that nothing is impossible with Him.
• I tell my husband that Jesus is asking for him like Jesus asked for Mary.
• I take him by the hand and bring him to Jesus.
• Together, we talk with Jesus.
• Jesus weeps with us.
• With a loud voice, Jesus says, “Be sealed in love!”
• Our marriage shuffles from the grave.
• We unwrap the grave cloths of disappointment and hurt and drop them to the ground.
• Sealed on each other’s heart and arm, we embrace.
• All who see marvel and believe nothing is impossible with God.
• God is glorified.

Service honors God. Service honors our husbands.

Service Savored

“Then, six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus was who had been dead, whom He had raised from the dead. There they made Him a supper; and Martha served, but Lazarus was one of those who sat at the table with Him. Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil.” (John 12:1-3)

In Mark 14, we’re told that the spikenard was in an alabaster flask. Spices were often used as an investment. When a guest arrived for a meal, it was customary to anoint the guest’s head with a dab of oil. 

We’re told that the spikenard was the equivalent of a year’s wages. Worship can be costly. It can cost our time, and it can cost our wealth.

Martha is still serving but there is peace in her serving. She has the gift of hospitality and is serving her Lord and her brother with love. Martha is savoring her service.

Mary is still at Jesus’ feet, but now, instead of receiving from Jesus, she is serving. She anoints Jesus’ feet and wipes His feet with her hair. Jesus tells the people at the dinner that she is preparing His body for burial.

I’m sure that she didn’t realize that as she was worshiping Jesus through the anointing that He was going to die in a few days, and that she was preparing His body for burial.

You must sit at his feet, or you will never anoint them; he must pour his divine teaching into you, or you will never pour out a precious ointment upon him.

Charles Spurgeon

Serve With Our Gifts

“But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:7-11)

The third time we read about Martha in John 12, we see Martha graciously serving with her gift of hospitality. At peace in her service. I imagine savoring serving the meal as she remembers Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. In addition, she knows Jesus in a deeper way, as The Teacher who has power over life and death.

Serve “in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.”

Mary had the gift of worship. She broke the costly alabaster flask of spikenard and anointed Jesus’ feet with the oil. 

Honorable women didn’t let their hair down in public, much less at the foot of a man. Mary let her hair down at the feet of her Lord, her Teacher, and wiped His feet. 

Dear wives, each one of us has been blessed with at least one gift from God. Do you know what it is? It’s something that gives you pleasure when you serve others.

Like Martha, it could be the gift of hospitality, or like Mary, it could be the gift of listening. 

Let’s use our gifts well and savor serving our Lord and our husbands. 

Martha became more like Mary without sacrificing her gift of hospitality when she had the conversation with Jesus. She listened deeply when Jesus told her that He is the resurrection and the life.

Mary became more like Martha at the dinner for Jesus and Lazarus when, she still found herself at the feet of Jesus, but she served Him by anointing Him with oil.

Both savored their service.

In all your service may God be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Jesus can bring new life to your marriage.

What will you do today to savor serving your husband?

Related Links

Sealed in Love

How to Serve God with Godly Fear

Martha and Mary (Charles H. Spurgeon)

Featured photo by Johannes Vermeer, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons