How do we let go of the deep hurt that someone we love inflicted upon us? It feels like we’ve been drenched in a dark storm and are left with a muddy spot that we can’t seem to wash out. We can’t seem to forgive. But after the storm, we can put on forgiveness through God.
A night of thunderstorms broke into a beautiful morning, and Keith and I enjoyed a walk in the cool of the early morning. I took this photo of the sunlight piercing through the clouds and rejoiced that the sun’s light shines through the storm clouds. Just like the light of God’s Son shines through the storms of our lives.
When I got home, I looked at the photo and noticed the black spot in the photo. I looked at my lens and wiped it clean, disappointed that I had not noticed the spot before. But then, I looked at the spot again. I magnified the spot.
It wasn’t a smudge. It was a bird soaring in the light of a new day, cleansed by the rain.
After the storm, the bird took flight. That’s what we can do. After the storm, we can put on forgiveness. But how do we do it? How do we put on forgiveness?
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:12-14 ESV)
Who We Are
Paul writes to the Colossians first reminding them that they are God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved. When you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you became a new person. You became God’s chosen son or daughter. He sees you as holy—set apart, beloved by God. Pause and think about this. God has set you apart as His chosen child. Why? Because He loves you and considers us His representatives of His love! Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:20, that we are ambassadors for Christ. He is working in you and through you.
Our Responsibility
How should we live as Christ’s ambassadors? We must put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, and love that binds.
Are we compassionate, kind, humble, meek, patient, and loving if we hold a grudge or focus on how the other person hurt us? Can we bear with the one who hurt us if we haven’t forgiven that person?
Forgiveness. Charizomai, khar-id’-zom-ahee, means [1]
- do something pleasant or agreeable (to one), to do a favour to, gratify
- show one’s self gracious, kind, benevolent
- give graciously, freely, bestow
- graciously restore one to another
- preserve for one a person in peril
Does your forgiveness look like that?
Forgive As God Forgave You
Verse 13 of Colossians 3 adds, “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
How has the Lord forgiven you?
Romans 3:23 tells us that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” That includes you and me.
Are we left in that sin and unforgiveness? Romans 6:23 tells us, “the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Pause to reflect on the hurts that others have inflicted upon you.
Have you forgiven others like Jesus forgave you?
Put On Love
Verse 14 of Colossians 3 says, “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
So how do we forgive like Jesus? How do we love like Jesus?
- John 8:11 tells us that when the crowd brought the woman caught in adultery to the feet of Jesus, He told her to go and sin no more—no words of condemnation there.
- Remember the woman who knelt at Jesus’ feet weeping and wiping her tears off His feet with her hair in Luke 7? Jesus said in verse 47, “’I tell you, her sins–and they are many–have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.’ Then Jesus said to the woman, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’” [Luke 7:47-48 NLT]
- We see the ultimate forgiveness. Jesus is on the cross. God has laid the sins of the past, present, and future on Jesus. Your sins, my sins, the sins of the world. Our Holy God pours out His wrath on those sins. Jesus cries out, “… “’Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ which means ‘My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?’” [Mark 15:34b, NLT]
And Luke 23:34 tells us that, “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.’ And the soldiers gambled for His clothes by throwing dice.” [NLT]- Think about Jesus seeing the soldiers gambling for His clothes while He’s dying for their sins. Such love! Forgive like Jesus.
- Jesus told His disciples, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”[John 15:13 ESV]
Forgiveness Is A Choice
It’s active love, agape love. Giving up your life … blessing those who curse you … wanting goodness to come to them even when they spit on you. Is your love that deep?
When we are hurt, do you suppose that the person really knows the depth of the harm that person has done to you? Really?
Is it as bad as the hurt Jesus felt on the cross? Notice, Jesus asked God to forgive the people.
Forgiving as Jesus forgave is hard. That kind of forgiveness requires God’s help.
God Empowers Us to Forgive
We need to give our hurts to God and ask Him to empower us to forgive. What did Jesus do after He asked God to forgive? “
Luke 23:46 tells us, “And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, ‘Father, ‘into Your hands I commit My spirit.’ ‘ Having said this, He breathed His last.” [NKJV]
Forgiveness Is A Choice
It’s not about our emotions and how we feel. Forgiveness is a choice to put on love. Surrender. Bless. Pardon. Mercy. Focusing on God first. As in the model prayer that Jesus gave His disciples in Matthew 6:9-15.
- 9 Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name.
- 10 Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
- 11 Give us this day our daily bread,
- 12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
- 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
- 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,
- 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.[ESV]
Yes, we may remember the hurt and even suffer the consequences of the sin against us. Jesus remembered the sins of the woman caught in adultery and the woman wiping her tears off His feet with her hair. But He chose to bless them with forgiveness.
7 Steps to Forgiveness
What are some steps you can take to forgive?
- Tell God how hurt you are.
- Give that hurt to God.
- Confess that you haven’t forgiven the person as Jesus has forgiven.
- Ask God to replace your unforgiveness with a desire to forgive and bless.
- Choose to forgive.
- Pray that God will bless the person.
- Meditate on things above.
“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” [Colossians 3:1-3 ESV]
Focusing on things above will help you “Put on a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, forbearance, and forgiveness.”
John Piper instructs us to ask ourselves these questions.
Is it enough for God to know our sorrow, for God to know our pain, for God to know our disappointment, our frustration? Can we hand our cause entirely over to God? Can we move forward treating others better than they treat us, even if it means only God knows and nobody else? That is how real God has to become to us. (John Piper)[2]
Let’s put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, forgiving as Jesus forgave.
Our heavenly Father, thank You for sending Jesus into the world to show us Your great forgiveness. We confess that we have sinned against You, and we turn from our sins. Lord, forgive us. Thank You that You have forgiven our sins.Help us to forgive other as Jesus forgave us. Help us to put on forgiveness, to put on love. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
Please share your tips on how you forgive others.
Related Links
From Confession to Forgiveness to Restoration in Marriage
[1]Blue Letter Bible “Lexicon :: Strong’s G5483 – charizoma.i https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5483/esv/mgnt/0-1/
[2] John Piper. Desiring God. (October 29, 2015). “The Major Obstacle in Forgiving Others.” Episode 717. https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/the-major-obstacle-in-forgiving-others
Please Share Your Ideas